I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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