Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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