I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
