NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
