I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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