so that wasnt chicken after all
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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