so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
