tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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