i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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