i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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