So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
