they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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