Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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