I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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