If i come over, it means nothing
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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