Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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