Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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