were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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