Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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