i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're like the curious george of whores
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
