I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
