I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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