the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I smell like Dick and happiness
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dear god my vagina.
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