It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
