I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
