in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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