I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
