Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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