i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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