I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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