i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
