Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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