There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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