perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
