The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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