There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
