just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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