The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
