I'm jealous of your bromance
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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