Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
