living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
