She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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