# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize