Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
