Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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