she smelled like a LAN party
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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