Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
