well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
