I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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