I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I deserve this hangover.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
