where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
