Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
