and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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