dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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