The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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