Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
