yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
