There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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