She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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