I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
