omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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