It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
