Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
