tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
