the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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