Don't make out with my wife yet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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