she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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