dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
