I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
