So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
