meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
