My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
