well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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