good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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