I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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