I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
