if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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