Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
