Quick, to the slutcave!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
