so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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