I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
