So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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