and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
